Before Alice got to wonderland she had to fall pretty hard down a deep hole.
As an act of self preservation I think most people naturally go into task mode after a family members passing. There was plenty to do, so my husband and I felt great comfort in this space. We knew how to make lists and how to get things done.
But, once the list is complete and the dust settles you figure out that you have to actually deal with what just happened, and that is much harder. I fully admit that I went down a pretty deep and dark hole. I looked normal on the outside to all my coworkers and friends, but at home, I became obsessed with cancer research and healthy eating. I started to completely second guess how we handled my mom's treatment plan. Now I followed my mom's wishes to the letter, but I really started to question if I made a mistake. She went so fast, and everything I was reading and watching made me question our countries approach to cancer treatment.
Now I followed the advice of many and did schedule a colonoscopy. I viewed it as a responsibility to my husband and my kids. Colon cancer is one of the slowest growing cancers and if you catch it early, it can be treated with success. I'm sure that looming test created some of this extreme research and behavior. I watch "Fat, sick and nearly dead" by Joe Cross. It's a great film about juicing and how it transformed peoples lives and health. After watching that, my husband and I bought a juicer and I juiced for us every day and some coworkers. Peoples gut health became my quest. I gave up red meat, because with my family history red meat gave me a higher probability of colon cancer. We watched "Cancer can be killed" which changed my view on cancer treatment completely. I highly recommend that film and believe that everyone should see it. The basis of the film is that cancer feeds on weak cells, so why do we pump poisons into our body that kill bad cells and good ones. Why wouldn't we try to fight cancer by boosting our immune systems? It focuses on treatment plans in different countries and is fascinating.
Anyhow, fast forward to the day of my colonoscope. I had convinced myself that I was going to wake up from that test and the doctor was going to tell me I was rot with cancer. Right before they put me out, my blood pressure shot through the roof. I was so scared. After the procedure was done, I woke up, and the doctor told me immediately, "we found nothing, no polyps". I instantly burst into tears. I wasn't going to die. My kids were going to have a mommy. My husband and I were both so relieved.
The good news didn't change my path, I kept juicing/blending and still don't eat red meat, but I have transitioned to living with hope and happiness. I pulled myself out of the "I'm dying tomorrow" mindset and started to see the dawn of each morning again.
When I saw the quote at the top of this post I felt like it clearly captured where I was at in that moment in time. "Before Alice found Wonderland she had to fall pretty hard down a deep hole".
Nailed It!
But, once the list is complete and the dust settles you figure out that you have to actually deal with what just happened, and that is much harder. I fully admit that I went down a pretty deep and dark hole. I looked normal on the outside to all my coworkers and friends, but at home, I became obsessed with cancer research and healthy eating. I started to completely second guess how we handled my mom's treatment plan. Now I followed my mom's wishes to the letter, but I really started to question if I made a mistake. She went so fast, and everything I was reading and watching made me question our countries approach to cancer treatment.
Now I followed the advice of many and did schedule a colonoscopy. I viewed it as a responsibility to my husband and my kids. Colon cancer is one of the slowest growing cancers and if you catch it early, it can be treated with success. I'm sure that looming test created some of this extreme research and behavior. I watch "Fat, sick and nearly dead" by Joe Cross. It's a great film about juicing and how it transformed peoples lives and health. After watching that, my husband and I bought a juicer and I juiced for us every day and some coworkers. Peoples gut health became my quest. I gave up red meat, because with my family history red meat gave me a higher probability of colon cancer. We watched "Cancer can be killed" which changed my view on cancer treatment completely. I highly recommend that film and believe that everyone should see it. The basis of the film is that cancer feeds on weak cells, so why do we pump poisons into our body that kill bad cells and good ones. Why wouldn't we try to fight cancer by boosting our immune systems? It focuses on treatment plans in different countries and is fascinating.
Anyhow, fast forward to the day of my colonoscope. I had convinced myself that I was going to wake up from that test and the doctor was going to tell me I was rot with cancer. Right before they put me out, my blood pressure shot through the roof. I was so scared. After the procedure was done, I woke up, and the doctor told me immediately, "we found nothing, no polyps". I instantly burst into tears. I wasn't going to die. My kids were going to have a mommy. My husband and I were both so relieved.
The good news didn't change my path, I kept juicing/blending and still don't eat red meat, but I have transitioned to living with hope and happiness. I pulled myself out of the "I'm dying tomorrow" mindset and started to see the dawn of each morning again.
When I saw the quote at the top of this post I felt like it clearly captured where I was at in that moment in time. "Before Alice found Wonderland she had to fall pretty hard down a deep hole".
Nailed It!
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