If you don't step forward, you will always be in the same place.
I am always someone looking for signs all around me. If I am at a cross roads over something and find a shiny penny on the ground, I assume that is my dad trying to guide me in one direction or another. Lately I have been a listener in many conversations that have had the same theme. The symbol for that theme has to be a dusty box in the back of the closet, that you haven't opened up for many years. Once the lid cracks open, all emotions and hurt come flooding back like the the memories just happened yesterday. I think all these conversations have been a sign to write about this topic.
Everyone handles loss differently. Some people prefer to feel the pain instantly, like throwing your bike into a ditch and getting a fresh wound. It stings and is messy. The pain is so bad it knocks the wind out of you and puts you into shock. Other people methodically box their loss up, put it in the basement/garage and deal with it when they're ready to feel the pain on their own terms.
What I realized is that most people opt for option 2, box it up and deal with it later. I have been listening to many peoples stories lately where they are bridging into a new chapter in life, but their pain and loss from the past is surprisingly weighing them down. They can't move forward until they deal with the past that they gently tucked away in a virtual or literal box. Whether your moving out of the home you had with your deceased spouse, or moving out of your departed parents home, the pain and anxiety feel the same.
A couple of things are happening to you as you choose to push forward. First you may feel like moving on means losing all those memories, or shadowy glimpses you remember of your loved one coming around the corner. If there's anything that I've learned through all of this, is that the good memories don't leave us, those are the ones that get even stronger. I think the second thing that happens is a weird feeling of guilt that runs over you for leaving the space. This probably only applies to Catholics (just kidding...not really). You may feel like leaving is closing the door to them or abandoning them by moving forward. It's not. The beauty in death (if you believe in an after life) is that they get to come with you and experience the joy of watching you be happy. If you're on the beach playing with your grand kids, they can be with you, if you're in your new home enjoying your craft room they can be with you there too.
I am not a person who values items or things, but I do believe in honoring possessions that evoke emotion and happy thoughts. If you are moving on and moving forward, take a little something that reminds you of a positive memory you have with your loved one, and put it in a place of honor in your new home.
Below is a sign that I made with sand dollars, my father had collected on the beach for my mom over the years. The shell in the bottom right hand corner has a perfect heart shape broken out of it. I remember the exact trip that we took where my dad came up from the beach with that shell proudly in his hand for his beautiful wife. I think about that daily when I look at this sign.
I know that moving on is scary, but if you don't take steps forwards, you will always feel stuck in the same place.
Everyone handles loss differently. Some people prefer to feel the pain instantly, like throwing your bike into a ditch and getting a fresh wound. It stings and is messy. The pain is so bad it knocks the wind out of you and puts you into shock. Other people methodically box their loss up, put it in the basement/garage and deal with it when they're ready to feel the pain on their own terms.
What I realized is that most people opt for option 2, box it up and deal with it later. I have been listening to many peoples stories lately where they are bridging into a new chapter in life, but their pain and loss from the past is surprisingly weighing them down. They can't move forward until they deal with the past that they gently tucked away in a virtual or literal box. Whether your moving out of the home you had with your deceased spouse, or moving out of your departed parents home, the pain and anxiety feel the same.
A couple of things are happening to you as you choose to push forward. First you may feel like moving on means losing all those memories, or shadowy glimpses you remember of your loved one coming around the corner. If there's anything that I've learned through all of this, is that the good memories don't leave us, those are the ones that get even stronger. I think the second thing that happens is a weird feeling of guilt that runs over you for leaving the space. This probably only applies to Catholics (just kidding...not really). You may feel like leaving is closing the door to them or abandoning them by moving forward. It's not. The beauty in death (if you believe in an after life) is that they get to come with you and experience the joy of watching you be happy. If you're on the beach playing with your grand kids, they can be with you, if you're in your new home enjoying your craft room they can be with you there too.
I am not a person who values items or things, but I do believe in honoring possessions that evoke emotion and happy thoughts. If you are moving on and moving forward, take a little something that reminds you of a positive memory you have with your loved one, and put it in a place of honor in your new home.
Below is a sign that I made with sand dollars, my father had collected on the beach for my mom over the years. The shell in the bottom right hand corner has a perfect heart shape broken out of it. I remember the exact trip that we took where my dad came up from the beach with that shell proudly in his hand for his beautiful wife. I think about that daily when I look at this sign.
I know that moving on is scary, but if you don't take steps forwards, you will always feel stuck in the same place.
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