Seeing someone in your dreams, means that they want to see you.
There are daily routines that break when your heart heads to heaven. You don't really notice them at first because you're absolutely dead inside, just trying to get through that, to do list of closure items.
It's when the days turn into weeks, and the weeks turn into months that life starts to come back into your soul. It's a great feeling. Driving by children playing in the park makes your mouth crook up in the corners, because you let a little light shine through.
In your own personal rebirth as the person left behind, when the joy starts to creep back in, that is the moment your routines break and your heart cracks once again. This did not happen for me with my dad's passing for 6-10 months. I remember the exact moment my most sacred routine broke. Something very exciting happened at work and I was really proud of what I had accomplished. Without thinking, on the way home, I picked up the phone an dialed 6 out of 7 numbers to my dad's phone before I realized he was no longer there to talk to. I put down the phone, and my joy instantly turned into gut wrenching tears. Talking on the phone with my dad on the way home from work was one of my favorite times of day. I have tried to replace that time with talking to other people, but it never quite felt the same.
Now this next part may seem a bit strange, but once my heart and mind started to feel again, and my routines steadily broke, the next stage for me was a series of dreams. These dreams were so very real and in every one of them, I was fighting to keep my father alive. We would spend some very tender moments together where I would get to talk his ear off and tell him everything I was longing to say to him. They would all end the same though, he would look at me with a sweet smile and say, "Ah stink, you remember right". Then I would realize he was no longer with us, an he would disappear.
Just recently I started to have those dreams with my mom in them. Seems as though my soul took a little longer to wake up after her passing. That one stung a little.
Until this moment I had always assumed that dreaming about someone who had passed on was just a sign of me missing them, but maybe I have it all wrong. I think it's a safe bet to say that their routines broke much more than mine. Maybe they missed our chats and wanted to see me. I like that thought!
It's when the days turn into weeks, and the weeks turn into months that life starts to come back into your soul. It's a great feeling. Driving by children playing in the park makes your mouth crook up in the corners, because you let a little light shine through.
In your own personal rebirth as the person left behind, when the joy starts to creep back in, that is the moment your routines break and your heart cracks once again. This did not happen for me with my dad's passing for 6-10 months. I remember the exact moment my most sacred routine broke. Something very exciting happened at work and I was really proud of what I had accomplished. Without thinking, on the way home, I picked up the phone an dialed 6 out of 7 numbers to my dad's phone before I realized he was no longer there to talk to. I put down the phone, and my joy instantly turned into gut wrenching tears. Talking on the phone with my dad on the way home from work was one of my favorite times of day. I have tried to replace that time with talking to other people, but it never quite felt the same.
Now this next part may seem a bit strange, but once my heart and mind started to feel again, and my routines steadily broke, the next stage for me was a series of dreams. These dreams were so very real and in every one of them, I was fighting to keep my father alive. We would spend some very tender moments together where I would get to talk his ear off and tell him everything I was longing to say to him. They would all end the same though, he would look at me with a sweet smile and say, "Ah stink, you remember right". Then I would realize he was no longer with us, an he would disappear.
Just recently I started to have those dreams with my mom in them. Seems as though my soul took a little longer to wake up after her passing. That one stung a little.
Until this moment I had always assumed that dreaming about someone who had passed on was just a sign of me missing them, but maybe I have it all wrong. I think it's a safe bet to say that their routines broke much more than mine. Maybe they missed our chats and wanted to see me. I like that thought!
Comments
Post a Comment