Autumn shows us how beautiful it is to let things go.

Maybe if I say this phrase over and over again, I may actually be able to let some of this seasonal pain go. The fall was my parents favorite time of year. Their walks around the neighborhood with their trusty basset hound got longer and the season provoked the writers spirit in my father.
We are in the eye of the storm of memories right now. My mom's cancer discovery happened at the end of August two years ago, and her sun setting from earth occurred on October 21st. I still have trouble during this window. It's hard not letting the feelings of the season remind you of the swift sorrow you experienced.
Last year my saving grace was a pottery class my cousin recommended. She jokingly told me it was cheaper than therapy, and it was. I made some crappy pieces of pottery and poured every ounce of emotion into those miss-shaped mugs and bowls. Ironically, I think pottery has helped me center my thoughts, quiet my mind, and soften my sadness. It's funny how different people pop in and out of your life at just the right time. The interesting part about that is, for the most part I think we're all oblivious of the impact or imprint we put on others through our words. My cousins soft and intermittent support has shaped my recovery from loss more than she will ever know. I respect her insight more, because she's felt the same pain. As she said to me 1 hour after my father passed, "welcome to the shittiest club you'll ever be a member to". I can't argue with that statement.
What I've been trying to do this year is purposefully change the dialog that floats through my head during the tough windows of time. Instead of "just getting through" my daughters birthday, we celebrated by going to Yellowstone, my mothers favorite place on earth. We made new memories and honored her in a place she loved. I have to remember that Autumn was my parents favorite season, probably a perfect time to learn how to let things go.