I've Lived a Good Life...

I have never been a person attached to material things, but after the loss of both of my parents I felt the need to have something tangible with me at all times, that kept them close to my heart. Below is a photo of a dog tag for my dad and a guitar pic for my mom. Etsy has several memorial gifts for people and this one seemed to fit what I was missing perfectly. All you have to do is find an old card with your loved ones hand writing on it and upload a photo. I've attached a link below, but there are several options. https://www.etsy.com/listing/623509271/actual-handwriting-keychain-customized?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=personalized+remembrance+gift+dogtag&ref=sr_gallery-1-2&organic_search_click=1&frs=1 I think sometimes we beat ourselves up for losing memories or forgetting certain things as time passes. These small mementos help me hold onto a piece of my parents that I never want to lose. They ...

Just when you think you've got it all together, your 3 year old son knocks you right back down to earth. Tonight I was tucking my sweet baby into bed, when he asked me, "when will she weturn?" I asked him what he was talking about and he said, "I heard someone say you can weturn. When is Grammy going to weturn from heaven? I miss her." I'll tell you right now, that kid can drop me to my knees, and make tears stream down my cheeks faster than anything, he is so sweet sometimes. My husband and I made a promise to each other that where ever or when ever our kids need to talk about grammy's passing we will drop everything and talk with them as long as they need to. Tonight, my little man missed his Grammy and i was going to be there to talk him through it. I am fascinated with children's minds an am pretty convinced that they are much better at coping with tragedy than us adults. Tonight we talked about how he missed her house and how she had fun toys ...

As an act of self preservation I think most people naturally go into task mode after a family members passing. There was plenty to do, so my husband and I felt great comfort in this space. We knew how to make lists and how to get things done. But, once the list is complete and the dust settles you figure out that you have to actually deal with what just happened, and that is much harder. I fully admit that I went down a pretty deep and dark hole. I looked normal on the outside to all my coworkers and friends, but at home, I became obsessed with cancer research and healthy eating. I started to completely second guess how we handled my mom's treatment plan. Now I followed my mom's wishes to the letter, but I really started to question if I made a mistake. She went so fast, and everything I was reading and watching made me question our countries approach to cancer treatment. Now I followed the advice of many and did schedule a colonoscopy. I viewed it as a responsibility to my ...

I think that it is a fair statement to say, you'll never really know your impact on the world until you're gone. My dad's funeral brought in over 300 people and that did not surprise me. He was so loved by his church family, his writer community, and his giant family. He was the story teller and everyone loved it. The thing that did surprise me, was that my mom's funeral was larger. It appeared as though every person she interacted with, she changed their lives for the better. My brothers and I were flooded with stories about how mom showed them compassion and wisdom, and gentle endless kindness. I think if you ask most people that have lost someone significant to them, they will tell you that they may have been physically at the funeral, but in all reality, they weren't at all there mentally. I remember very few things from my moms funeral. There was one moment that surprised me and shook me back into the present. As we were hugging everyone that left the chu...

I'm Catholic, so I come by guilt naturally. My parents did a bang up job at instilling a strong Catholic guilt in me and it worked like a charm every time. My dad could look at me with a stern and questioning look, and I would instantly burst into tears and divulge any knotty thing I've ever done. He was a pro! A talent I jokingly aspire to obtain some day. Weeks after I lost my dad I remember feeling great guilt the first time I laughed. I instantly felt bad for feeling happy. How stupid is that? My dad was one of the funniest people I knew. He would want me to have joy and be happy. But life is this crazy, complicated mess of obligations we put on our selves. We feel obligated to sit in our own mourning, to some how prove how much our loved one meant to us. The sadder we appear, the more we loved them. I am not naturally someone who has ever had bouts of depression. My mother viewed life like there was sunshine wrapped around us at all times, even the hard times. She tau...

There is a crazy phenomenon that occurs when someone is in the process of losing a loved one. All the people around you, that truly care about you start saying the most bizarre things that are designed to give you comfort, but 90% of the time they don't do that at all. You're trapped in a moment, face to face with these people, and you get an urge to either laugh in their face, burst into tears, or punch them in the nose. But instead of owning your emotions at that time, you just smile and say thank you. What a crazy world we live in. As a person from a hilarious family I look back on all these comments with great humor, and they still bring a smile to my face. I will start though with the quote at the top of this post. Many moons ago I was working for a different company and something tragic happened to a coworker, the loss of a loved one. The customary procedure for a situation like this is to send around a card where everyone writes 3 to 8 meaningful words to show their c...

Those were the first words my dad spoke after he was given his cancer diagnosis, "well, I've lived a good life". There are few moments in life that you can remember every single instant of. This was one of those moments. My dad was having some indigestion and thought he should get a check up. His doctor recommended that he get a colonoscopy. I offered to drive him to the appointment with mom. The procedure was fast. We didn't think much would come of it, maybe some dietary restrictions. After my dad came to, we were just pleasantly sitting there, talking about the big news my husband and I shared with them the week before. We were 2 1/2 months pregnant with our first child. The doctor came to dad's bedside and in the most casual tone told us all, "well, it looks like you've got cancer, and it appears as though it has spread. Now I'm going to give you the name of  an oncologist that I want you to call Monday, but he's probably going to agree wi...